I Want to be a Cat
by Jinxia
Summary: Niisan, I'm scared, I can't sleep... But you can't sleep in that state! Sometimes it is okay to be children again... Alphonse, Edward and Winry remember


**Disclaimer:** FMA belongs to the Cow-lady Arakawa. Now be a good child and do tell your lawyer, mmkay? _Neko ni Naritai _belongs to the wonderful SPITZ.

**Warning:** This is NOT an Elricest. Sorry, I don't write those.

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"_Because sometimes… It's okay to be children again."_

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While we continue this conversation with light off  
One of the star vanished outside the window  
While spinning one's wheels rushing across the street  
When I'm about to break in pieces  
your name will be the only one I call for  
Beside the oversized cemetery  
In this blurry bright apartment  
I saw a warmly illusion _

"Niisan… Niisan…" Alphonse shakes his sleeping brother up. Not noticing any response, he shakes Ed harder.

"Niisan…!" Ed swathed Al's hands off and shrugs deeper into the blanket.

"Niisan, I'm scared. I can't sleep." At long last he felt Ed stirred. The blonde boy rubs his eyes and turn towards Alphonse. He tried hard to focus in the dim light, despite Alphonse large figure.

"Umm… Al? What time is it?"

"Close to midnight… Niisan, I can't sleep." He pleads again. Again the blonde boy just rubs the sand out of his eyes.

"But you can't sleep in that state!" Al stops dead beside Edward's bed. He retracts his hands from the small shoulders. Small… compared to his hulking form.

"What? It's true, you can't—" His hands clamp over his mouth as soon as the words come out. His little brother had become silent. As silent as an empty armor could be. The metal helmet casts its gaze down and Ed feels a strangling feeling down his throat. He tentatively reaches out to pat his otouto's head.

"Al… I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking clearly…" When the armor just stays silent he feels even guiltier. How could he say that, when her brother's state is as frail as it is now. Nothing more than a soul attached to an armor, without the embellish senses that humans take for granted. Only the ability to see remains, and yet Alphonse stands firm. Grown men would probably be driven to the brink of insanity from the loneliness of it all.

"Alphonse…?" Now the armor trembles slowly, like it's being raked by silent sobs.

"It's okay niisan, you were still half-asleep. I know I can't really sleep in… in this. But I'm scared… It's so quiet outside." Again the armor trembles in hollow sobs. Edward extends his hands and pull Alphonse up, scooting over the bed to make room for him. Alphonse silently sits next to his brother.

"I must feel cold, right?"

"…No. You feel warm Al." Silence.

"Nee, niisan… Doesn't this remind you of the old times? When we would climb to mom's big bed and lean on the headboard while she chats with us?"

"Yeah, and sometimes she would tell bedtime stories or stories of her childhood."

"And she sang to us too…" Both boys fall silent then. Their mother has always been a strained subject in their conversation. All the lovely memories have been clouded by the horrible experience. Neither speaks for sometime, just listening to the sound of night and the voice of their mother inside their mind.

"…_Neko ni naritai, kimi no ude no naka. Sabishii yoru ga owaru made koko ni itai yo_."

"Isn't that a song that mom used to sing, niisan?" Edward just nods his head slightly. "If I can remember it means something about wanting to be a cat. That's the chorus, right?"

"Yeah. But I can't remember the rest of it."

"Umm… _Neko ni naritai, kotoba wa hakanai. Kienaiyouni kizu tsukete ageruyo_." Alphonse finishes the song with a soft tone. "She said that she always sings it when she feels lonely." He sees his brother clenches a fist on that. Their father is also a strained subject, even more so because he abandoned his family and went to the great unknown. Ed's stand is firm towards his father, but Alphonse doesn't remember much about him to judge his own feeling. Then again he is the more level-headed of the two.

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I want to be a cat inside your arms  
I want to stay here until lonely nights ended  
I want to be a cat, words are momentary  
But I'll make it remain with a scar_

"Niisan?" He feels Ed stirs. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course Al! What kind of question is that?"

"But I'm taking too much space on the bed…" Ed shakes his head and sits up, dragging Al to sit on the floor. Alphonse lowers his gaze again, slightly dejected but understands the reason. "Umm… I suppose I can stay on the floor then. Eh? Niisan?" He jumps slightly as the blonde moves onto his lap.

"I'll stay here so you won't get scared. Deal?"

"But you'll get cramps in the morning!"

"No I won't. I'm tougher than that. Plus, this way both of us wins, right?" Alphonse just sighs, his niisan is just as stubborn as he was years ago. And himself, he is just as scared of the dark as he was years ago. Maybe, just maybe, they can stay children like this again even for a night. Alphonse tries to remember the feel of having his own body, propped on so many pillows in their mother's room.

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Imagining with my eyes closed, I saw a secret hideout  
Which looks like that postcard from Sicily's beach  
Walking while covered with cloud of dust  
This town hates the seasons  
Throw away this artificial tranquility_

"Edward? Alphonse?" The door creaks open and comes in a bleary-eyed Winry. Alphonse puts his finger to his lips – or what substitutes for them – in a gesture for silence. Winry lets herself in and sat next to the boys.

"Are you feeling lonely again?" She toys with the loose blonde hair with her fingers. Al just nods ever so slightly.

"Hmm… It's probably not lonely anymore with this dope sleeping so soundly." She gives Al a small smile before continuing. "Alphonse, can't you try and pretend that you are asleep? You know, like closing your eyes?"

"I tried… somehow I can roll my vision so all I see is the darkness of my armor and that's it. I can't sleep properly." He is scared of this fact most of all. That he is no longer human with a body he can control in the truest sense. Winry then seats herself next to him, leaning on his arm.

"How about trying to remember happy things? So it will chase away the darkness!" Ed moves slightly inside Alphonse's arms. "You are human, Alphonse. You have memories and sometimes they are the only thing that will keep you sane." Alphonse knows firsthand how true the statement is.

"Maybe I should give it a try…"

"Then in that case you won't mind me sleeping here too, right? Mmm, it feels like having a sleepover at your house. It feels just like yesterday too." She lets out a yawn and after a goodnight kiss to both boys' cheeks she drifts into slumber.

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I want to be a cat inside your arms  
I want to stay here until lonely nights ended  
I want to be a cat, words are momentary  
But I'll make it remain with a scar_

Alphonse doesn't remember the passing time anymore. All he remembers from that night is a dream of cats. No, more of a memory of cats. When the three of them had found a feline's den full of kittens, and how he and Winry took a couple of cats each, leaving one alone on the ground. Winry had scolded Edward to pick up the last kitten but niisan still refused. It looked ugly, with dirty brown streaks marring its otherwise grey fur. Only after Trisha found them and sang the song did Ed pick it up, feeling a bit guilty. The cat mother never returned and in the end the three of them agreed to pet the litter in the backyard of the Elric's home, just under Alphonse's window. Perhaps that was when his love for cats grew, but all he could remember was the grey kitten cradled in Edward's arm and that was all he needed to finally rest.

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The song is just so... so... AL! From the cat allusions, to the lonely nights and the scar. This song is meant to be a love song, but the meaning can be taken into so many directions. I love Spitz to death and this song is probably the sweetest song they have. Pardon the allusion to Nightflyer, though in that doujinshi it's more about comforting Edward rather than comforting Alphonse. This fic was meant to be a backward view towards their childhood. It's set (most likely) when both of them come for repair after the Scar incident. For one night they revert back to their childhood personalities, fears and dreams. Thank you for reading!______

_______** Maria, November 16th 2006**_


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